Question: Lenten Reflection, Wk 4

 

Question  -   Orland Carra 2005       

What is life all about?    Is it certainty or is it doubt?

What are we all doin’ here?    Do we know for sure?  Is it clear?

 

Don’t some say that we’ve been put down here by God above?

Don’t some say the answer is in learning how to love?

Don’t some say there is nothing more than what we see?

Don’t some say that happiness is in learning how to be?

 

Refrain

 

Do you know where we will go?       Do you think we’ll ever know?

In the end will we find out?      What is life all about?

 

Can we ever answer all the questions in our minds?

Is the answer to the question all that we will find?

Once a question’s answered will another question show?

Is the answer to the question all we’ll ever know?

 I began working at the Presbyterian Church, at the age of 19, on a part time basis, and by the next year the position became full-time as the Christian Educator.

 My age, education (or lack thereof) and experience (also, or lack thereof) was understandably a concern, but I was fortunate during these years to be surrounded by some of the finest people I’ve ever known in my life.  The Reverand Howard C. Varner, who was also new to the Church, quickly became a valued mentor to me.  I grin and shake my head a little whenever I think of the thousands of hours we spent in his office, with him sitting in front of a library of books, all of which he had read, talking about anything and everything that crossed our minds. I grin because now I realize the gentleness, patience, and grace that he showed me as I posed my questions and took off on my rants. He genuinely cared for me in those years.         

As was the case with everybody of my age, my pre-frontal cortex was still developing. Regarding the formation of my faith, every new insight gained brought either a brand-new question, or the remnants of a previously asked, but unanswered, question.  During these young adult years, I leaned heavily on the promise that when I seek, I will find, and I was confident in sincerity of my seeking.  As I reflect on those times however, John 8:9 … they left, oldest to youngest …, carries with it profound conviction.  

1 Peter 3:15 reads, “but in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.”   

Understanding why I believe what I believe has always mattered to me.  Questioning things has long been an attribute of mine.  I’d like to think it’s been a virtue, but sometimes… .    My High School Sociology teacher once told me he appreciated my presence in class, as my questions sparked discussions.  He would prompt me to question something to regain the class's attention.   

There were countless questions that emerged as I delved into the Scriptures—enough to keep my mind racing. But now, I was peppered with questions from the young people I was working with and many of those questions I was struggling to answer myself.   

Listing all the apparent inconsistencies found in the Bible would take pages, though most of these discrepancies didn't trouble me. What concerned me most were the conflicting depictions of God's nature.  This issue was compounded by the evolving meanings of words like "infallible," "inerrant," and "literal" among the growing “non-denominational” and “Bible Churches” in the U.S. which further deepened divisions and splintered the universal church into various factions. 

Perhaps the most impactful responses to one of my many rants during this period in time did not come from Howard, but from another of my early mentors. Bill M. was closer to my age than Howard, but still older than I by about 5 years.  He had recently graduated from college and was actively involved in the Church.  At the time of this story, he was attending Seminary as a candidate for Ordination in the Presbyterian Church.  So, when our Church hosted the regional Presbytery Meeting, both Bill M. and I attended the General Meeting. At this particular meeting, there were three candidates for ordination being “examined” by the Presbytery. This was a matter of both tradition and a formal reminder that the Presbytery was responsible for the Clergy that would serve the United Presbyterian Church.  Statements of Faith had been included in the meeting packets. Though I had no voice or vote, I was reviewing the statements and noted that one of the candidates didn’t seem to believe in hell.  My still-developing prefrontal cortex was having some significant issues with impulse control. “How could this be?”, I thought. 

As the Presbytery was reviewing the statements, I conferred with Bill M., expecting him to be as riled up as I.  After all, this was going to be a minister of the Presbyterian Church and a colleague of his.   Bill M. nodded, but I didn’t get the response I had expected from him.  He wasn’t alarmed or aghast.  As the examination started, at least one of the ministers questioning the candidates also noticed this issue. He was asked directly if he believed in Hell.  My recollection is that he gave a pretty good response (clearly, he had been prepared for the question) but did not say directly that he believed in Hell.  There were a couple more questions, then a vote was taken, and all three of the candidates were accepted/approved for Ordination. 

After the meeting was over, Bill M. and I headed to our regular restaurant for a burger and fries. I was so upset – even incredulous – that the Presbytery would approve the Ordination of this guy who didn’t even believe in Hell.  I mean, what did he think was going to happen to everyone who weren’t professing Christians? 

Bill M. let me rant for quite a long time. He would comment now and then, but mostly he just let me rant. (His pre-frontal cortex had fully matured) Then, I remember him saying, “You know Bill, Jesus never said you had to believe in Hell to be saved. He only said you had to believe in Him.” 

I’m sure my jaw dropped. (I really hope I wasn’t in the middle of chewing) I remember being stunned. My entire spiritual life and development passed in front of me. I had a tough time, in that moment, processing what he had just said.  I could not deny it. It should not have come as a surprise because John 3:16 was probably the most memorized verse of all times.    But the point he made carried with it so many ramifications regarding the questions I had been struggling with.  Indeed, nothing had changed in my understanding of God’s love. That remained clear to me.  It didn’t change my mission because that’s what we were all commanded to share with others.  So, my part in building the Kingdom on Earth as it is in Heaven did not change.  The Gospel had not changed.  What had changed is the realization that none of the troubling questions I’d spent so much time pondering, in search of finding the “right” answer, changed nothing about the Good News. 

I don’t remember how long that discussion at the restaurant/coffeeshop lasted, I remember being both uncomfortable and yet excitedly free and at peace – a peace that passes all understanding, a peace that my quest for “right” answers, had never given me. 

Of course the questions remained, but I also realized that many of the questions I had been hung up on, were actually distractions and my reverence for Christ as Lord was not dependent on having those answers, nor would the answers to those questions give answer for the reason for the hope that [I] have.” 

Years later, I ran across this 1956 letter from Jim Rayburn, the founder of Young Life, to his Leaders who had been called to share the Good News with young people all over the U.S. He wrote: 

“I wish you could all have been with us at Frontier Ranch the last week of August. We held another wonderful leadership training seminar for college kids, and older, from all over the country. We talked about what's important in Young Life and what makes it go. And I was impressed all over again with the fact that there are just two things we must keep in mind. 

First, we must stick to presenting Jesus Christ. There are all kinds of secondary things we could get involved in, but they aren't Young Life's business. We are not to "major in minors", but in the one all-important essential: that Jesus Christ is our greatest need, and that He's all we need.  He is far and away the most important and attractive person in the world and every high school fellow and girl needs to find that out. 

Second, we must love people. It is not our business to go around criticizing and judging folks. Whether they live the way we think they should is God's business, not ours. It is our business to love them because God first loved us. How much the world needs to be loved for Jesus' sake. 

These are the two essentials for Young Life leaders. But not only for us. I think they'd do for any Christian.  And as you start another year of school, I hope they'll be the things that inspire you to live the best year ever for Jesus Christ.  Let's give Him all we’ve got.” 

The Sacred Scriptures became even more sacred to me after this insight.  It opened them up. There was no puzzle to put together or step by step plan that I had to follow to find God.  God was here and now, present for me all the time. 

My search became about how to the practice that presence in every moment, learning to pray without ceasing by making my life a prayer.    

So my journey continued.  See you next week.